What If You Asked For What You Really Want?

Nobody even has to know.





Ever spend time with a child? If so, do you notice how unashamed they are about asking for what they want? And not only that, but they fully expect that what they want should be delivered to them and now. A two year-old will attempt to terrorize an entire grocery store, thrashing and screaming on the floor of the baking aisle, when they discovered that they may not have an entire bag of chocolate chips.


I'm not saying that as adults, we should throw a temper tantrum when things in life don't go the way we want them to. I am saying, however, that we should continue to clarify and specify our asks.


What even are miracles anyway?

As adults, many of us have bought the belief that what we see in front of us is the way things are and there is not a whole lot we can do to change it. Sure, we can change jobs, or move to another place, but ultimately, there are a finite number of possibilities available to us.


This is simply not true.


Look closer at the world around you and you will begin to see actual, literal miracles occurring. Someone you know has created or accomplished something amazing and likely in surprising and unpredictable ways. Chances are, if you asked those people how these miraculous events occurred in their lives, they would have a really interesting story involving a seemingly random sequence of events that led them there.


And while you might be thinking "well how on earth can I make a similar course of random events lead to amazing opportunities in my life?" The short answer is, you can, and you can't.


You can't in the sense that part of the magic is that you cannot plan for happenstance.


John D. Krumboltz was a professor at Stanford University who developed the Happenstance Learning Theory. His career development theory takes into account that unplanned events play a major role in our life and career development.


For example, when I was in my twenties I spent many years living and traveling to different countries. At a certain point, I returned back to the US to focus on my career and "settle down." I ended up landing in Denver, CO, mostly because I had some friends there. One person introduced me to another who offered me a job working in her personal training business. Now, I wasn't a personal trainer by any stretch, but I figured it was a job and I could learn.


When I arrived in Colorado, it became evident that this job was not a good fit and things started to fall apart, or so I thought. The job fell through and I found myself in Denver with no income and only a few contacts.


I was staying on a friend's couch and one day, his roommate had some friends over. I was getting to know them and one of his friend's introduced me to another, who asked me about my work. I told him I was looking for a job in social work. The next day, he put me in touch with his friend, who's job I ended up replacing as a social worker. I worked for that non-profit for three years and loved it.


Could I have planned for that to happen? Maybe yes, but probably not.


Increasing the likelihood of magic

According to Krumboltz, there are three steps in controlling unplanned events:


  1. Before the unplanned event, you take actions that position you to experience it. Aka try stuff!

  2. During the event, you remain alert and sensitive to recognize potential opportunities.

  3. After the event, you initiate actions that enable you to benefit from it.

I would add to this list that sometimes, (often times) the events that lead to the greatest magic, are the ones that feel like the biggest failures or disappointments. In my case, I found myself wondering if I had made a huge mistake following my heart to Denver. What was I thinking? I had no support system, very little savings, and a very loose network of a few kind friends.


The other thing I had, which I didn't realize at the time, was a level of openness and awareness, as well as a willingness to take action when presented with a possibility.


I also had a very strong connection to my intuition, and knew how to listen to it.


Listen to your body

There is such a thing as alignment, and it is a powerful force. When something is in alignment with us, it brings up certain emotions or sensations when we think about it.


For example, if you hate your job, you might feel a sense of dread in the pit of your stomach when you think about going to work the next day. You might also experience frustration, or exhaustion, or even anxiety when you engage with work.


If there were a different line of work you could be doing, or a more enjoyable way to spend your time, what would it be? And before you allow your mind to immediately rain on the parade with it's "you'll never make enough money doing that" nonsense, just take a moment to consider it. Give yourself the gift of daydreaming for a moment or two. You may even want to write down what you see when you picture it, and how it feels in your body.


Now, more than likely, it felt good to imagine yourself spending your days doing things you love. Maybe you felt a sense of warmth or calm, or even excitement. If you did, this is a great indicator that whatever that activity is, is actually meant for you. It's in alignment with who you are.


If you are willing to spend more time doing the thing you imagined, more than likely, you will begin to enjoy your every day life experience a whole lot more.


Is it worth it?


Seeking clarity in your career or life?

I can help with that.

Contact me here, let's chat about it.






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